by channel24news –

Jackson, Miss. – The Lord God Almighty granted Confederate veterans permission to return to the Earth briefly to address rumors surrounding the Civil War and the Confederate flag for decades in the United States of America.

This is the first time anyone has been granted a brief leave from the afterlife despite many pleas and appeals to The Lord from the Founding Fathers since the McKinley Administration.

“These people clearly don’t get it, and they don’t even bother to read about what we actually fought and some died for,” said former Confederate General Robert E. Lee.

“And don’t even get me started on this Trump fella.”

Lee, Jefferson Davis (the former President of the Confederacy), and William T. Sherman (who now goes by the name Billy T and is famous for his March To The Sea) will be the primary speakers at the town halls slated for multiple cities in South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Texas.

“Florida’s got so many problems, we thought people who spoke with us in other states could just pass along the message to the folks down there,” Davis said when asked about why some states were not included in the town hall schedule despite being a part of the South during the Civil War.

“Billy T. wanted to stop by Kentucky for their famous fried chicken, but Colonial Sanders told us in heaven that the corporate world had ruined the original recipe, and the original herbs and spices mix was in his eyes tainted.”

The men will take some questions and answers at the end of their town halls, but mostly they would like to clear the air on how Hitler and the Third Reich, cutting taxes for the rich, mixing Christianity with politics really aren’t their cup of tea. They’ll also highlight how when they got to heaven, they eventually met Harriet Tubman and discovered her great sense of humor.

“We talked about bringing her with us,” said Lee. “But the modern American bigoted white is too prideful to hear what she has to say, even if she is on par with Dave Chapelle and Richard Pryor.”

Tickets to the town hall events can be found at your local event center’s website, but you need to act fast because God will call these men home again before Christmas so everyone will be present to celebrate his son’s birthday.

The post Confederate Veterans Granted Brief Leave From Heaven For Southern State Town Halls appeared first on Channel 45 News.

via Channel 45 News